Me, Jedi
by Marek The Great
Summary: We all know the Jedi are an elite, exaulted group of do-gooders and not just anyone can join their ranks. Or can they? This series of ficlets takes a (whimsical) look at what might happen if some less than force-attuned people were to join... Please R&R!
1. Read Me First

**A Few Things About This Story (Read Me)**  
**or Legal Stuff that is a little funny too**  


  
Actually, if you don't want to read this, you can go ahead and go on to the first chapter.   
  
First, however, let me say that this story is actually a collection of very short stories. They are all basically about the same thing: What if Obi-wan wasn't training Anakin Darth Vader Skywalker during Episode II? Who might he be training. And, in case you are really slow, I will go so far as to tell you that this story explores (a tiny bit) into what that might be like.  
  
Each chapter is a different person. It can be a real person, a character, what have you, but I attempt in each case to make it funny. Tell me if I failed, or if I did it well, because, as all authors know, feedback is almost as important to life as water or electricity.....  
  
Also if you have any ideas of your own along such lines and either a) do not wish to plagiarize my idea and/or b) don't want to write it yourself, please give me your idea. I can probably do something with it.  
  
**Sorry for making you read all of this.** Unless, of course, you skipped ahead, in which case you didn't read any of it. Sorry about the bad news, but there is just a little more I have to say here to make this operation *slips into Nemoidian accent* perfectly legal.  
  
That's right, disclaimers! I am not George Lucas. If I was, would I be writing on this site? In any event, due to my non-Lucasian nature, I do not own Star Wars. Nor would I want to. Reading all those expanded Universe novels to make sure they don't break continuity Why can't he just be like the Star Trek guys who don't care one bit if they violate continuity? And, if any of the characters I use are copyrighted, I don't own them either. If they are not copyrighted, they're _mine_ now!  
  
There! Now that that is done with, go on to the actual story! Go on. Stop reading this crap! It is boring and dull and even lawyers get depressed reading it.


	2. Moby

**Moby**  
  


Obi-wan watched his Padawan intently as he fumbled with his training saber. He had never liked the electrum-purple that his apprentice, the famous and bald-headed Moby had chosen, and it was obviously a calculated move as Moby didn't seem to like it much either. But then Mace Windu had a purple one too. Brown-nosy Moby the younger, and very perceptive for their age, Padawan called him now.  
I am sorry, Master Kenobi, Moby said after being hit by the laser probe for the nth time. He lifted the opaque visor on his Jedi-training helmet. With the blast shield down, how am I supposed to hit it anyway?  
Luke had the same problem, Obi-wan lamented. He thought about his statement for a moment. Will have the same problem. This is what George gets for making prequels.  
Maybe I am failing because, in this Universe of standout names, mine is just another. Moby looked unusually thoughtful at the moment. Perhaps, thought Obi-wan, he was really concerned.  
There is nothing really different, Moby continued, about Moby from, say, Adi or Mace.  
Well, what do you suggest?  
Moby thought about his problem. It was obvious from his facial expression that this was very difficult for the apprentice, but he seemed to be making slow headway.  
How about, he said at last,   
Put the shield back down, Obi-wan said unencumbered, and try again.  
  
This time it's for real, informed Obi-wan, okay Moby?  
That's Moby-wan to you, the bald one replied, drawing his lightsaber.  
These are real battle droids and this is really Geonosis, Obi-wan continued, ignoring his apprentice's last comment. The laser bolts are going to hurt if they hit you.  
You know, those practice robot laser things were no walk in the park when they got you, Moby said, turning to his master.  
In any event, Obi-wan said, trying to remember the last time he had been hit by the practice droid, these laser bolts will hurt a lot more if they hit you. So be careful.  
I hear you Obi, Moby said playfully.  
Don't call me Obi, Obi-wan said.  
Got you wan, Moby replied. Hey, that is a real name. You know, Juan? Get it?  
Yes, I got that, Obi-wan replied, rapidly losing patience in his Padawan. Here they come!  
The things Obi-wan referred to were indeed coming, and they happened to be horrible beweaponed droids, lovingly known (although not creatively) as droidekas. They rolled up next to the two Jedi, unfolded their horribly beweaponed arms, engaged their force-shield bubbles and began shooting. Obi-wan, and, to a lesser extent, Moby, blocked the oncoming laser volleys with their glowing lightsabers, but it appeared to be a losing battle.  
I have an idea! Moby suddenly called out between deflections. Obi-wan would have shot back with a glib remark, but this event was so uncommon that he wasn't prepared for it properly. Instead, he asked Moby what his idea was.  
Simply this, Moby said quietly. The shots stopped for the dramatic effect as Moby added more to simply this'.  
That's a new one, Obi-wan said with restrained skepticism when Moby had finished adding all he wanted to to simply this'. With that, Moby bent over, held his lightsaber in front and slightly above his head, and moved it about. Eventually he had the right orientation.  
A beam of pure light, generated by the lightsaber, reflected off Moby's disgustingly shaved head and blinded the visual input sensors on the attacking droidekas, which abruptly exploded because the one thing that causes artificial intelligence real misery and depression is being blinded. Their self destruct systems had been activated almost immediately.  
Good job then, Obi-wan managed.  
  
Back on Coruscant, in the elaborately undecorated Jedi Palace, Moby stood before the council. Yoda regarded him with cautious interest. Mace Windu's eyes shone.  
he began.  
That's Moby-_wan_, actually, he cut in, much less sheepishly than Obi-wan would have liked. He simply stood by Padawan, though, not wanted to start another argument about Moby's nickname.  
Mace Windu continued, for destroying a record _two_ droidekas, we feel that you can—  
You feel, corrected Yoda. _You_ feel.  
Yes, well, Mace said, glaring ever so subtly at Yoda, I feel that you have passed the trials already, sort of. In any event, you're now a full Jedi, not just Obi-wan's bitch—  
We have been over this Mace, Yoda whispered. It is Padwan, apprentice, trainee. Anything that conveys learner. Just not bitch.  
Well, that is what it comes down to, isn't it? Mace Windu whispered back. He decided to concede the point anyway. You are a Jedi now, he continued. I dub thee, Jedi Master Moby-wan!  
The lack of applause reverberated through the Jedi council chamber. A lone cricket chirped from an unknown location.  
Thank you all, Moby said without missing a beat. And, as thanks, I will perform one of my songs for you all. As the main song for this movie was called Across the Stars', I shall sing my song, We Are All Made of Stars'.  
When Moby got to the fifth repetition of the songs chorus, Mace Windu started to wonder if he had made a terrible mistake.


	3. Tinky-winky The Teletubby

**Tinky-Winky The Teletubby****  
  
**

Yaddle, the usual field scout for young Jedi talent, strode into the Jedi council chamber with a look of pride on her face. Her prideful look immediately alerted the council that someone was coming to audition for the part of Jedi Padawan, but the council was, soon thereafter, confused to see that no one was walking with Yaddle.  
What are you up to? asked Mace Windu with poorly concealed skepticism in his voice. Yaddle looked behind her, and, seeing no one near her, ran back into the corridor.  
Get in there! he instructed his new find. The new find gurgled obscenely. Yaddle rolled her eyes and dragged the new find into the chamber.  
The collective gasps of fear, anger, astonishment, annoyance and general amusement (all rolled into one) resounded through the open-air Jedi Council chamber. After a very long pause, filled with quiet yet audible whispers of the kind employed when actors want to say something for the script that the audience must hear but other actors (which are what the whispered comments are often about) must not hear, Mace Windu at last spoke.  
A teletubby? he asked, trying to sound genuinely inquisitive.  
A teletubby, Yaddle confirmed, as if there was any doubt about this fact. The purple-colored teletubby stood, annoyingly ignorant to his surroundings, next to Yaddle.  
Why a teletubby? Mace continued. Does she have the force with her strongly?  
It's a he, actually, corrected Yaddle. More psuedo-silence, permeated now again with the pseduo-silent audible whispers.  
That's a he? Yoda asked cautiously.  
Yaddle replied somewhat reluctantly.  
A purple-colored, male teletubby? Mace asked. He wanted to make very certain he had this right.  
Yaddle confirmed.  
Wearing a skirt? Yoda asked loudly. This was the point about which most of the pseudo-silent audible whispers were concerned.  
Yaddle confirmed again.  
With a purse as well? asked Mace Windu. Some of the whispers, although not most as many as with the skirt issue, concerned themselves about the purse. Since many species thought it fashionable to have a purse regardless of gender, this was slightly less odd, but certainly a teletubby ought not to need a purse.  
Yes, he has a purse, Yaddle said. The questioning was getting to the point of inquiring about the painfully obvious, and even Yoda was tiring of it.  
Yoda said, cutting in, established have we that a purse and skirt he has. Brought him to us you have. Why?  
Master Yoda, Yaddle began to explain, the force is strong in this one.  
All eyes shot to the teletubby, who was cheerfully gurgling in the center of the room. He seemed to be having quite a lot of fun in a rather peculiar way. The way was this: he would choose one of the flying ships in the background, follow it with his eyes until it disappeared out of view, and then do it again.  
Is he? Mace Windu asked, not even attempting this time to hid his doubt. The teletubby turned to look at him, Mace's bald head becoming his new delight. The afternoon sun glinted off it, giving the purple one no end of excitement.  
What name is his? Yoda asked, no less skeptical.  
His name is Yaddle cringed.  
asked half the council.  
Yaddle replied.  
the teletubby suddenly called out. He called it out again. he threw in for good measure.  
After several minutes, most of the assembled Jedi, working together, managed to quiet Tinky-winky down. He went back to following randomly chosen flying vehicles as they passed the Jedi Palace.  
Mace said, preparing to set about the facts as they now had them, you got us a gay teletubby that likes his own name more than any civilized creature in any star system ought to? And you say he is Jedi material? I ask merely for information.  
Yes, that is basically it, Yaddle replied. He could tell the Jedi were preparing to turn him against him. Tinky-winky was, of course, in a world of his own, completely unaware of the assembled Jedi Masters' mutual scorn. He had found a Coruscant Moth to play with.  
Have you tested him? Mace Windu asked.  
Yaddle replied. Look at this.  
Everyone looked to where Yaddle was pointing, which happened to be a gray square on the purple teletubby's stomach. Yaddle closed her eyes in concentration, and slowly an image appeared on the square. It became clear, very soon, that it was an image of the Jedi council chamber.  
He's a television? Mace asked.  
Teletubby, television, Yoda thought out loud. Sense it makes.  
Maybe that triangle on his head is the antenna? Mace Windu suggested.  
Isn't that triangle the gay symbol? asked one of the nameless Jedi on the council.  
Mace Windu said, if nothing else, the Jedi council now his its very own TV. Thank you Yaddle.  
Yaddle could take a hint like this one, especially since this hint was broadcasted not only by sound waves but the Force as well. Yaddle left the chamber, off to find new candidates.  
Tinky-winky had grown tired of the Coruscant Moth and had moved back to Mace's head. Yoda turned him on to Lifestyles of the Poor and Downtrodden on E! and the council enjoyed a good night's TGIF.


	4. Pikachu The Thunder-Rat

**Pikachu The Thunder-Rat (really, read on)**  


  
Obi-wan yelled at his loudest. He ran out of breath after yelling No!' for fifteen seconds and had to draw breath to continue for another ten. At this point his vocal cords decided they had had enough and quit out to show Obi-wan who's boss. Being as force-attuned as he is, Obi-wan realized exactly why he could no longer yell and continued yelling with psychic force impulses.  
I understand your discomfort with this, Mace Windu explained, but no one else would take him and managed to conjure another Padawan before we could stick this guy with them. After your tremendous success with Moby-wan, Mace's eyes glinted now as he spoke; his bald head shone, we feel you are the Master for this Padawan.  
Why is he a Jedi hopeful in the first place? Obi-wan asked quickly, glancing in the direction of the Jedi wannabe for much less than a second. He immediately redirected his gaze to the Jedi council. Is this another one of Yaddle's recruits? Obi-wan looked now at the newly acquired television set' in the council chamber.  
What mean you? Yoda cut in, feeling a little overprotective of his species. Like not this Padawan I do, but no reason is there to attack Yaddle, I think.  
Hey, I meant nothing about Yaddle by that, Obi-wan hastily said.  
See through you we can, Yoda said. This inevitably caused Obi-wan a little worry, like the feeling insecure people get when some jerk puts on novelty shop x-ray goggles and starts laughing at everyone they see.  
In any event, Mace cut in, we are making it official. Your new Padawan is Pikachu.  
yelled the small, yellow rodent, jumping into Obi-wan's arms. Obi-wan threw him to the ground. Pikachu recovered, grew angry, yelled the first two syllables of his name in an angry fashion, and shocked everyone in the room. This, of course, made everyone in the room angry as well, and they hastily showed Obi-wan the door. Obi-wan used the door, closing it before Pikachu could also use the door. Pikachu used his amazingly stubby arms to open the door, shock Obi-wan, who was running down the corridor, and waved to the council before hopping on top of the collapsed form of Obi-wan.  
he said, his tone implying ownership. he added to clarify any misunderstanding regarding the previous utterance of his name. Obi-wan quickly jumped back up, grabbed the Thunder-rat by his stubby arms, swung him around twice, and flung him back into the council chamber. Pikachu struck the edge of the opening door, spun around many times, and finally collapsed, breathing heavily, in front of Mace Windu.  
Obi-wan leapt into the council chamber and picked up the viscous rat-thing with little or no care. In fact, it is best to be clear on this point: there was no care involved. Obi-wan carried him to the balcony of the council chamber and prepared to fling him over the edge.  
Now wait a minute, Mace Windu said, suddenly realizing what was going on. A good-natured slugfest is one thing, but how many times do I have to tell you? We don't throw Padawans off the balcony, no matter how annoying they are.  
Obi-wan turned to look at Mace, a pained expression on his face. Not even this once? he asked. Mace shook his head with infinite black grace.  
Obi-wan set the yellow rodent on the ground cautiously. Pikachu seemed to be on top of things again, but a little tired. Obi-wan leaned over the rat thing to look him in his big, black, glassy, anime eyes.  
I'm sorry for nearly killing you, Pikachu, Obi-wan said, sounding very forced. Mace nodded his head.  
And what do you have to say for yourself? Mace asked Pikachu next. Pikachu said nothing. An oversized anime sweat drop formed on the left side of Obi-wan's forehead.  
Pikachu leapt at light speed into Obi-wan, and the two quickly formed a cartoonish, fight-induced dust storm that obscured the action. Obi-wan's arm popped out of the dust cloud, then Pikachu's tail. Every now and again a grunt would emanate from the cloud. The fight continued.  
No one lives for ever! Mace declared, and jumped into the melee. Yoda followed, then Adi Gallia, and soon the entire Jedi council was in the now quite larger fight cloud. Limbs and heads popped out of the cloud at random intervals to show that there was action within the obscuring fight cloud.  
After a few minutes, Obi-wan was thrown from the cloud entirely. Soon thereafter, Pikachu followed. The two lay on the ground, panting hungrily for Coruscant's peculiar mixture of assorted gasses they liked to call air'. Finally Obi-wan got up and walked over to Pikachu. He lifted him gently off the ground.  
Now I see where species prejudice can take us all, Obi-wan began. I no longer wish to discriminate against my rondential brothers based upon color, race or sexual orientation! Pikachu shot him a strange look. Obi-wan offered his hand. he said.  
Pikachu looked at Obi-wan earnestly. He looked back at the fight cloud. He looked at Obi-wan again. he said happily, taking Obi-wan's hand in his own stubby paw. Pikachu bit Obi-wan's hand.  
Why you little Obi-wan yelled, swinging the rat around. Pikachu held on by his iron-fast bite alone. The fight cloud continued, unaffected by the fact that neither of the parties about which the fight had commenced were still present in the brawl.  
Obi-wan slowly made his way, suppressing the pain in his hand with a Jedi trick, to the open-air balcony.  
I'll see you in hell, you dirty thunder-rat! he yelled, and tossed Pikachu over the edge. Pikachu yelled out his name as he fell hundreds of feet to his certain death. Obi-wan wiped his hands and, shrugging his shoulders, leapt back into the fight cloud. The camera panned away from the chamber, and the Pokemon Gotta Catch Em All' theme played annoyingly in the background. Tinky-winky walked around the chamber aimlessly, trying to find a dust mite that would be his friend.


	5. Mr. T.

**Mr. T.****  
  
**

Monstrously, unnecessarily large amounts of gold clanked. It shone. It jingled. Worst of all was overall look and feel it had.  
Yoda cringed. Adi Gallia reeled. Yaddle, who had seen quite the character in her galactic journeying in the search for Jedi, grimaced. Tinky-winky was only momentarily distracted by the glimmering gold, which was rather amazing as he had been distracted by a kite for an entire half-hour episode once.  
Mace Windu alone found little that was undesirable by the entire array, or, at the very least, he hid his annoyance very well. His broad smile in the face of such adversity annoyed Yoda almost as much as the gold on the body next to him. The two stood in the center of the Jedi Council chamber silently, as if waiting for something.  
  
Mace Windu, at last, broke the silence. May I present, he began, barely concealing childish glee, our newest Padawan Mr. T.!  
Mr. T. stood with his usual glum expression, but it soon faded into a smile as broad as Mace's. Very white teeth shone, vividly contrasting the black skin with which they were framed.  
They looked at each other. They wriggled with excitement, surprising Mace as much as Mr. T. They walked slowly closer to each other.  
Bang-bow my brother! they yelled in unison, slapping eachother's palms in what Yoda could only pray to the midiclorians was some species' idea of an endearing gesture. Mr. T.'s gold jewelry jangled in a manner that forced Adi to leave the chamber.  
Surprisingly, Mr. T. drew his hand back quickly. I'm sorry, he said. I am the cool black guy type, not the brother' type. I'll have to go back to the stoic boxer persona now.  
S'all good! Mace said, his enthusiasm hardly diminished. Now he turned to Yoda. I, of course, will train him personally, he explained. An imperceptible shudder of relief passed through each of the assembled Jedi.  
Do as you will, Yoda said, trying not to let his relief come through in his voice. Even if the man had no talent, at least Yoda wouldn't have to be around him much. Council is adjourned.  
All the Jedi, with the obvious exception of Mace Windu, flew with force-enhanced speed from the open-air chamber. Mr. T. was somewhat perplexed to see that they ran faster when he waved his gold covered arm to say goodbye.  
  
Okay Mr. T., mace said, opening the equipment locker, this will be your very first lightsaber.  
Bring it on! Mr. T. declared.  
Do you want a PURPLE one, and now he began to mumble, or blue or green?  
I only heard half the question, Mr. T. informed, folding his arms across his broad, gold-strewn chest. But I guess I'll take the purple one.  
Good choice, Mace Windu said, a sparkle in his eye. Now all we have to do is shave your head bald and we'll have us a perfect Jedi!  
Mr. T. asked.  
Oh, nothing, Mace managed, handing Mr. T. the lightsaber. Slide the stud forward and it will activate.  
Mr. T. complied, cautiously sliding the activator forward along the smooth, cylindrical surface of the handle. An intense purple beam of pure energy shot out from the handle. Mr. T. swung it around, cautiously at first, but with growing abandon.  
I pity the fool that doesn't have one of these! he declared at last. He swung it around and around, nearly dismembering Mace Windu.  
OK, that is enough for today, Mace said, reaching slowly for the lightsaber. Mr. T. drew it back, but Mace persisted. Give it here. Really, I need it back. Come on now!  
Mr. T. turned and ran out of the practice sparring room, disappearing before Mace could even begin a pursuit.  
Oh well, Mace said calmly. It'll run out of juice eventually.  
  
Yoda lounged in his pint-sized Jedi chair in the Palace Council chamber. He was using Tinky-winky to watch How To Get The Midiclorians to Launder Credits for You on the Jedi Self-Help Network when Mace strode in, downcast.  
Why so glum? Yoda asked raspily. Where is that black fellow?  
Mr. T? Mace asked. He ran off with a lightsaber. Haven't seen him in days.  
Foresaw this did I, Yoda said sagely. Warn you I did.  
You didn't warn me! Mace yelled.  
Oh yeah, Yoda said with a concentrated expression on his face. During the awkward silence that followed, the TV show broke for commercials. The mega-city skyline hovered in front of a peculiar-looking black guy with his arms folded across his chest. Gold glinted in the Coruscant sunset.  
I'm a Jedi now, Mr. T. said, waving his stolen lightsaber as if in proof. I pity the fool that isn't one! But when I'm on the job in distant star systems, policing the galaxy, those long distance charges can really add up.  
Both Mace and Yoda were speechless in the otherwise empty chamber.  
That's why I use 1-800-COLLECT, Mr. T. continued, a pay phone suddenly appearing. That's 1-800-C-O-L-L-E-C-T. Unlike dialing zero, this way is cheap, so you don't cost your Jedi buddies a small fortune. Mr. T. was now demonstrating how to dial the number, displayed in four prominent numeral styles on the bottom of the screen. So dial 1-800-COLLECT next time you're out of change and save a buck or two!  
Silence permeated the council chamber for a full minute. At last, Yoda spoke. Collect, huh? he mused. Try that I will.


	6. Homer Simpson

**Homer Simpson**  
  


Oh, it hurts the eyes, Yaddle commented quietly.  
Indeed it does, confirmed Mace Windu. Cartoons shouldn't be able to exist in real life like this! The clash of paint on real light is unbearable.  
I just meant it hurts the eyes that he is so _large_, Yaddle said.  
Mace Windu said, strangely embarrassed. Makes Jabba the Hutt look like just a heavyweight sumo wrestler instead of a living office block.  
Excuse me, said the newcomer on entering comfortable earshot. He glanced around the hallway, returning eventually to the small table where Mace Windu and Yaddle sat. Is this the Jedi Recruiter Office?  
Yes it is, Yaddle said, trying to hide his repulsion.  
What is your name? Mace asked, trying to hide Yaddle's repulsion as well. For the record, you see.  
Your not with NOW, or the NRA, or MENSA, or the CIA or Fat Tony by any chance, are you? asked the potential applicant.  
Mace Windu replied, not recognizing any of the names.  
OK then, the cartoon replied. Homer Jay Simpson.  
What is your whole middle name? Yaddle asked, looking at a note pad intently, as if he used it for recording data instead of doodling.  
Homer repeated.  
No, I mean the name, not the initial, Yaddle said, cautiously looking up, but he then thought better of it and darted his gaze back to the note pad.  
It is Jay, Homer said.   
Oh, I am sorry, Yaddle said. I was distracted by your tremendous—  
Aura of knowledge, Mace cut in. Now, why do you want to be a Jedi?  
Well, you see, the thing is, I've always wanted to summon beer from across a room, Homer said, slightly, and uncharacteristically, embarrassed.  
Don't worry about it, Mace said. That's why Yoda joined. Yaddle looked horrified before he realized how much sense it made.  
And of course,Homer continued, now in a matter-of-fact tone, there are a number of people I would like to kill without being caught.  
A white, fluffy thought bubble appeared above homer's head, an image of Ned Flanders smiling within. Mace Windu coughed politely. Yaddle looked nervous.  
Yes, well, Yaddle managed at last, have you exhibited any Jedi abilities?  
Homer yelled. You mean like skill? Me? Never needed it for anything else I've ever done.  
And what do you do for a living? Mace Windu asked.  
Nuclear Safety Technician, Homer said. A blank expression hung on his face as Mace reeled.  
And where do you live? Yaddle asked.  
Homer replied.  
Mace said sarcastically. Which state?  
Suddenly the camera switched to a view from outside the palace. Mace, Yaddle and Homer could be seen through a window, but just as Homer spoke, a speeder flew by.  
I see, replied Mace, writing this information down. Well, I don't see any reason why we shouldn't train you. You're in. Homer?  
Homer was staring blankly again, fantasizing about his life as a Jedi. A gigantic donut floated across the room and into Homer's mouth.  
Mace asked again.  
Arhhhhhhhhh..... Magical Jedi doughnut... ahhhhh...  
  
Homer, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history  
Obi-wan said, very nervously.  
From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit Keltoris B.  
So how do you turn left again? Homer asked, a gigantic asteroid looming in the window of Obi-wan's Starfighter.  
Use the stick! Obi-wan yelled from the back seat.  
Oh yeah, Homer said with sudden remembrance. He jammed the stick to the left, narrowly missing the giant asteroid Keltoris B.  
I knew it was a mistake to bring you to the Jedi Challenge Course on your first day! Obi-wan exclaimed.  
What, so you don't think I'm good enough? Homer asked, hoping to win the argument through sympathy.  
Obi-wan affirmed.  
That backfired, Homer muttered.  
Obi-wan screamed. You're flying into a black hole!  
Not while I'm around! Homer bellowed, deftly maneuvering the Jedi Starfighter around the obstacle.  
Obi-wan said, stunned. Even I can't do that.  
What do you expect? Me to fly right into it?  
Obi-wan said. I thought you were drunk.  
This isn't like driving! Homer yelled. You have to be sober to fly this whatyamacallit.  
This Jedi Starfighter, Obi-wan corrected.  
Yeah, this Jedi Star what did you call it? Obi-wan sighed.  
  
Well, he did it, Obi-wan said. He's a Jedi now.  
And here is your certificate, Mace Windu said. Homer grabbed the roll of paper and said very loudly.  
And now for your first official assignment, Obi-wan said. Cleaning detail. Homer? Homer had disappeared.  
Get him off of me! Yoda said. Homer was sitting on him, watching Tinky-winky, concentrating over Yoda's muffled yells. All the Jedi rose in alarm, but then started to laugh.  
That's our Homer, Obi-wan said. [Roll closing credits.]


End file.
